A place only we know

I've come to realize that some of the most enthralling parts of being in a relationship, involved with, or whatever you want to call it, with another person go well beyond the physical realm. Don't get me wrong. I love sex. I happen to like women and spending a lazy afternoon undressing a captivating feminine being is a great use of time. That however is only a single dimension of the relationship and also a subject for another time. Tonight I want to talk about the psychic place that is developed when two minds become intimate, the metaphysical state of reality that only you know through and with each other.

Becoming intimate with a person fundamentally alters your understanding of reality. The center of your university moves ever so slightly away from your own being towards another. Your perceptions are forced to accommodate the perceptions of another. The intersection of these realities becomes the defining space of your relationship. It is a way of viewing the world that you couldn't have discovered except through one another. The particularly difficult part is that from your respective poles in this shared space you cannot see the view shared by your partner. So while the space is shared you cannot know what it appears like to your lover. The crags and crevasses of your shared physic landscape that may be so endearing to you can be scars on the land to them.

This landscape is as scared as it is fragile. A misspoken word or forgotten date can send the whole scene into a torrent of uncertainty and desecration. A dangerous place it is to exist no doubt. But for its fragility and risk it is all the more beautiful.

Impermanence

The impermanence of everything has been coming through pretty clearly lately. The summation of all your efforts can vanish in the blink an eye. Does that devalue what you had done? Not if you have grown through doing those things. The impact the experience has had on you cannot be taken away.

My car was totaled last week. Some maniac was driving so fast on my street (which is basically an alley that has a school crossing zone on it) that he hit my car and pushed it through a snow bank and into a tree completely crippling the frame. Consequently I have started using the bus.

Now I love watching people, so the bus has provided a perfect venue for some good ole observing. The other day I accidentally sat directly across from a homeless man that was very angrily mumbling to himself, had an incredibly swollen prostate, was wearing unidentifiable stained clothes, and smelled to high heaven. I was presented with a choice I could move but there was no way that it could be seen for any reason than avoiding him or I could run the gambit of staying there under his watch. Partly cause I didn't give a fuck and partly cause I was so tired I chose to stay.

For the next 20 mins he stared at me and mumbled threatening things. I figured that if he made a move for me I could drop him with my metal water bottle, which when full is pretty substantial. Everyone else on the bus was staring at me. I could feel their eyes urging me to relocate.

At one point another woman got on the bus and sat down next to me, thinking I offered a zone of safety. She quickly reconsidered a moved to the back.

The bus reached my stop and I got up and left. The homeless guy never moved an inch, he just keep staring at the spot I had occupied, still mumbling. I guess I just made up my mind that being attacked by a crazy homeless guy didn't really bother me. This is as much a part of life as a nice meal or a massage. Once you've stopped caring so much about your own safety you find that the world is a much safer place.